The weather has been indecisive this past week. It was freezing Monday and then mid-week and today it was like 70 degrees outside. It’s alright, it keeps life down here interesting. :)
So.. I scheduled today’s other post like a week and a half ago. Nothing tells you how much of a big whiner you are than your past self whining at you today! I’m doing a lot better now. I started the rapid fit program with Dez this week. I have one word for it: brutal. The diet is totally doable, and I enjoy it for the most part but the exercise requirements are a bit crazy. It’s only day 3 but I’m worn out. I’m not going to stop though, mostly because I feel like I am capable of doing anything and having the energy to do so after this kind of day. Yesterday was pretty typical. I woke up, went to work, did one pretty harsh workout at boot camp, and then went to the park for an additional hour of running/walking. Then even though I thought I’d be destroyed, I found myself with the energy to run to Barnes & Noble, JoAnn Fabrics, Publix and back home to cook myself dinner and be in bed by 10pm. I even plowed through a book until 2am or so and then went to sleep. Rousing myself by 8am was actually kind of easy. I even spoke to my mom about wedding finances over the phone yesterday without wanting to go outside, lay on the asphalt and have a tantrum.
This is the power of an amazing workout.
For some reason God only knows, I keep forgetting that adding 1-2 hours of P90x type activity + time alone in the calm solitude of nature adds nearly 4-6 hours of energy to my day. The days I’m most useless and letting my emotions dictate how I feel are the days I haven’t gotten my workout in.
I need to cling hard to my exercise time. It’s the only time during the day that I can clear my mind of everything. The extra hour in the park is like time with God. I am alone, with the birds and the trees and the wind as my only companions and I am drawn easily into a spiritual communion with God. I lay my fears, worries, anger, and solitude out in front of him. I don’t get answers or anything, but I definitely feel a sense of relief, and my sense of aloneness in these situations dissipates. It’s been pretty great. It’s solidified my day so far.
I took this picture with my phone walking up a hill at McDaniel Farm Park, where I was Monday. Seriously, thank you Gwinnett County Parks and Rec.
It’s been a long few weeks. I’ve been so busy at work that I have kept missing boot camp since my day runs well past 6pm on average now. I don’t see this trend lasting long term but it’s making me feeling the pressure and uncomfortable feeling of a rocked boat.
I think the combination of cutting back on my finances, cutting back on all the weekend fun, cutting back on travel, and losing some time to work alongside planning a wedding that I really don’t enjoy is wearing on me. I look in the mirror and I see a whole lot of tired all the time.
2012 is going to be a pretty suck year. Nothing’s wrong technically but really.. I’m just … not in a great place. I guess that’s okay sometimes. I just don’t like it. :p
I keep dreaming of 2013: the year I’ll be married to my best bud, be as far mentally from the bureaucracy of weddings as I can get, and refocusing on the things I love to do: travel, try new things, photograph, code & kick butt at boot camp!